Security & Fear

Saturday we heard a message from Mark 7 24-30 and Eric spoke on hearing God's truth & grace. One of his points was that often we like to receive the grace and don't appreciate or accept the truth. Speaking honestly, I didn't connect with the teaching but during the time after the message I did ask God to reveal truth and grace and make me open to receive both. One of the things I realized is that I had been feeling very insecure about my place in life and thereby becoming defensive towards a lot of people and situations but after some searching I felt that the root of it was fear. This was quite a shock to my system because I don't consider myself a fearful person. Mostly, it came down to realizing that I hadn't fully accepted my identity in Christ. Theoretically, I knew my identity but I didn't "own" it, the reality of who I am in Christ hadn't made an impression on my own self-perception. This was the root of my fear, that I somehow don't measure up to where I should. The interesting thing was my hope was found in the fact that I DON'T measure up to God's standards but the standards of people aren't that important and God still thinks of me as a son and an heir. I was very encouraged by the words of Psalm 40

1 For the choir director: A psalm of David. I waited patiently for the LORD to help me, and he turned to me and heard my cry. 2 He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along. 3 He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see what he has done and be astounded. They will put their trust in the LORD.
17 As for me, I am poor and needy, but the Lord is thinking about me right now. You are my helper and my savior. Do not delay, O my God

Those words fit my place well, I realized that I am in need of God and that even as I continue to fail, His thoughts are upon me and will rescue me from myself as much as from the peril of this world.

I wish I could say there was a neat and tidy resolution and that I was freed from fear in the moments I was on my knees but I think it will be a more ongoing progress of discovery and healing but an important milestone is the realization that there is some "junk" to deal with and hopefully, the revelation of truth in to my life will continue to be accompanied by grace.